Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
