Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
