they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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