Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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