dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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