So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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