Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
