my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
my liver is dry heaving
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
