Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
