i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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