"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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