Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
