listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
