Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
