she was so not down for the gang bang
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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