i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
