Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
