btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
