oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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