i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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