I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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