All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
