How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The uberlube is also flammable
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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