I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
