Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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