he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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