Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
