was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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