I just threw up on my dentist
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
