What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
