Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
