Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
