You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
