Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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