I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
did i just pee glitter
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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