Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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