i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize