whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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