How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
