Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
