This girl is more easily done than said...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
