she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
