I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
