So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
