only if we run a train.
done.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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