Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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