I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize