I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
