Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
