He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
