wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
