Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
