I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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