i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
