someone threw a dead crab at me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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