maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
