Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
