I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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