I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
