I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
