I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
