he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize