it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
