Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
