You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
