Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
