I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
