turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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