I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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