tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
