I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
