He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize