So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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