nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
