Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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