dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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