Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
