apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
